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Men and women are different. And those differences are eternally significant and important, especially when we view them from a Latter-day Saint perspective.
It has been taught and reaffirmed by many prophets and leaders that, gender is an essential characteristic of individual premortal, mortal, and eternal identity and purpose.1
That means the things which make me a man, including my sexuality and masculinity, are essential to my eternal purpose. Masculinity is not toxic, a strong desire for sex is not problematic. Both are important to our creators plan for their children.
Of course we can all quote instances where masculinity has become toxic and sexual desire has gone awry. We should of course address and remedy any such occurrences. But we cannot allow these instances to vilify men for being, well, men.
A man’s needs in marriage, though similar in scope, are not identical to those of his wife. Both husband and wife need elements of emotional, relational, spiritual and physical connection. But the quantities we need of each differ between the sexes and they also differ from man to man and woman to woman.
So often it can be easy for us to bemoan, complain, criticize and try to change our spouse into the person we think they ought to be or believe they should be that we forget that a husband and wife have a solemn responsibility to love and care for each other.2
One interpretation is that it is a spouse’s responsibility to help take care of their partners emotional, spiritual, physical and relational needs in the quantities they desire and require. Is this hard? of course it is! It requires us to exert ourselves, forget ourselves and to love someone more than ourselves.
We all have buckets to fill. Some buckets we can and should fill by ourselves. But some buckets require someone else to fill, sex and conversations for example are team activities. This is one of the primary reasons we are commanded to get married. Because God knows that a man or woman cannot meet some of their needs and therefore their eternal potential alone.
Rather than telling our spouse that their emotional, physical, relational and spiritual buckets are too big, not important, or that one should be more important than the other, I am increasingly convinced that the secret to a stronger marriage is to accept the buckets our spouse has and then care enough, love enough, and work to fill them. Full disclosure, Cassandra’s buckets are not as filled as they could or should be, in my writing this, I am not professing to be an expert.
But there have been times when I know I have filled her buckets to overflowing and our marriage has been happier and stronger as a result.
Book Club
Do you like to read and discuss non-fiction, or is it a goal of yours to read more? If so, participate in my monthly book club! It’s all online so you can participate in the weekly discussions anywhere in the world. You can view the reading list and schedules for free, but to participate in the weekly discussion threads, you’ll need to become a paid subscriber for just $6/mo… I look forward to hearing your insights!
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The family a proclamation to the world
The family a proclamation to the world
You two are ADORABLE!